Back to You - Audiobook

Chapter One: Ellie

I deserved a medal. 

The light from the fire danced across the features of our friends as I wormed my way through the crowded party on the beach. I’d just refilled my cup from one of the dozen two-liters we had on ice in the back of someone’s truck, so I took care not to spill it as I walked barefoot through the sand.

Spencer was standing near the fire, surrounded by girls in their smallest bikini tops and shortest shorts. He was easy to spot, with his tall frame and shaved head. He caught my eye over the heads of our friends around the fire. I beamed and lifted my plastic cup in salute. He grinned back at me as a hot but fake bottle-blonde leaned in close to speak to him over the country music pumping from a nearby car.

The closer I got to the fire and the crowd, the more stuffy the air got. There had to be at least a hundred people there. Or, maybe not that many, but it sure felt like a lot. I headed to the waterline for some fresh air. Wading through the mob, I received several nods and hugs from the friends I passed along the way. I thanked them for coming with a smile I knew didn’t quite reach my eyes. While I was grateful for such a good turnout, I couldn’t help but be sad that we were all there to say goodbye to Spencer.

The party was his last hurrah. It was Saturday night, and come Monday morning, he’d be boarding a bus for Marine Corps boot camp. I wouldn’t be able to see or talk to him for three months. It would be awful, considering we’d never gone more than a few days without talking. No one knew me like he did. There was about to be a Spencer-sized hole in my life.

I pushed my way through the crowd until I reached the wet sand where the water had touched it. Eyes closed, I took a deep breath of the hot, July air, enjoying the taste of the Pacific Ocean on my tongue. The gentle waves from the bay couldn’t be heard over the loud music and noise from the crowd, but the glow from the fire and moonlight allowed me to watch them roll in. I felt calmer from here, the steady rhythm of the waves going out and always coming back to me. I glanced around, looking for my boyfriend, Tim. I hadn’t seen him in a while. Admittedly, I wasn’t looking very hard. 

He didn’t get my relationship with Spencer, and if he picked up on my sadness over my best friend leaving, he would probably take it the wrong way. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with whatever jealous remarks he might come up with about our “history” or “lack of boundaries.” Tim’s parents were psychologists, so he used all kinds of technical terms in casual conversation. It really got on my nerves.

Taking a few steps along the wet sand and peering into the night, I could see the shadowy form of a couple sitting in the surf, making out. Not wanting to interrupt them, I shook my head and made my way over to a long log in the sand, sitting down and giving up. I’d find Tim, eventually.

As I lowered myself onto the log, I wished I could just stop being so mopey. I wanted to enjoy my last night with Spencer, even though I hadn’t seen him much. He was a bit of a playboy, and he was on a mission to have one more fling before boot camp. Big surprise there.

I smirked into my cup, thinking about how he wouldn’t have to work hard to accomplish that goal. There were many girls at the party ready to be on his arm at the first opportunity. Spencer had always been good-looking, but it was also his happy-go-lucky nature and sense of humor that made him appealing. The fact that he was about to become a U.S. Marine didn’t hurt either.

He loved all the attention, and never tired of it, unlike me. The spotlight wasn’t my favorite place to be. I took another drink and grimaced as the bubbles tickled the back of my throat, making it hard to swallow. I scanned the horizon, not even sure what I would be looking for in the dark. But it was just more peaceful to look into the night ahead, than worry about what was going on in the crowd behind me.

I sipped my drink and stared into the night, trying unsuccessfully to get my best friend out of my head. Was he getting nervous? He wasn’t the type to pour his heart out about his emotions. Still, it must have freaked him out at least a little. I couldn’t imagine how I would feel if I were in his shoes. Tonight, at least, I hoped he wasn’t thinking about it at all.

“Hey.” A voice made me jump and almost spill my drink, but when I realized it was Spencer, my whole body warmed. I swallowed, surprised by my reaction to his approach.

His new buzz cut made the angles of his jaw look even stronger and sexier than usual. If I were being honest with myself, I understood why girls fawned over him constantly. He had that swagger that came with his tall and lean frame, and his deep blue eyes made him look like an Abercrombie model. 

Well, actually, it was his abs that made him similar to those guys. And they were prominently on display for all the world to see, as he wore only his black swim trunks. We’d all been in the ocean earlier, but the sun had set long ago and the fire became the new focal point of the party. Apparently, Spencer hadn’t felt the need to put a shirt on. I cleared my throat and looked away from him.

“What are you doing over here by yourself?” he asked, sitting down on the log beside me.

I felt the heat from the fire radiating off him. “It was getting kind of hot over there.”

“You’re telling me.” He fanned his face with his hand dramatically. “Those girls are too much.”

“Oh, please,” I laughed, draining the rest of my drink and dropping the empty cup on the ground next to the log. I took the fresh one that Spencer held out and we touched our cups together in a toast. “Don’t pretend you don’t like it. This is what you wanted, right?”

Spencer looked at me then, his lip twitching into a smirk. “Yeah, guess so.”

Spencer’s behavior didn’t surprise me by any means. I’d known him since middle school. He never had “girlfriends,” only girls he was “hanging out” with. It only amused me rather than bothered me because he somehow managed to stay friends with every girl. If he’d been running around stomping on hearts, I wouldn’t be as close to him as I was. Spencer wasn’t the typical bad boy with a hidden heart of gold. You didn’t have to dig too deep to find his best qualities; they were right on the surface and within reach to all he encountered.

“Thanks for the going away party, E. You look great tonight,” Spencer said with a smile. “What’d Timmy say when he saw the new suit?”

I raised my chin haughtily. “He doesn’t like it when you call him that. But anyway, he was just as impressed as you thought he’d be.”

“You always act so surprised when I’m right. Even a broken clock is right twice a day.” He wagged a finger and smiled at me with a lopsided grin.

I swatted his hand out of the air with a laugh. Spencer had gone shopping with me earlier in the day to find a new swimsuit for the party. He went with the basic black pair of board shorts, but he wouldn’t stop pestering me until I agreed to buy the red bikini and white shorts to go over it. He’d insisted that the color went great with my long, blonde hair, and on a hot summer night at the beach, the whole look would be perfect. I had to admit he was right. I felt amazing.

“Have you seen him, by the way?”

Spencer frowned. “Who?”

“Tim.”

“Oh. No, I haven’t seen him for a while, actually. You haven’t either?”

I shook my head.

“He’ll turn up.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. “I just hate how he does that, you know? Disappears for most of the party and then magically reappears when it’s time to leave.”

Spencer patted my knee. “Well, that’s what you have me for. I’m much better company than Tiny Tim.”

“He hates that name too, you know.”

“I bet he does. So, listen, there’s something I’ve been meaning to talk to you about,” Spencer began, looking at me somberly.

I nodded in encouragement for him to continue.

“My recruiter told me about the phone call we’re supposed to make when we get to the depot. It’s not a big deal; it’s just this script we have to read to let our families know we made it there alive or something.”

“Okay…”

“Well, you know how things are with my dad…”

I gave him a small smile. “Yeah.”

“So, I’d like to call you, instead of him.”

“Of course,” I answered with no hesitation.

“Cool, thanks. I don’t want you to get freaked out though. I heard we basically just pick up the phone and yell this couple-sentence thing and hang up. It’s not like we’ll get to chat or anything.”

“That’s fine, I don’t mind. I’ll let your dad know you got there safely.” I put my hand on Spencer’s knee, knowing how much he wished his mom were still alive so he could call her instead.

“Thanks,” Spencer said, putting his arm companionably around me. I rested my head on his shoulder and closed my eyes. We sat in silence for a few minutes, both just letting the ocean breeze waft over us. When I stayed uncharacteristically quiet, he squeezed my arm. “You’re moping. I told you, this is a night for fun, not being sad. Be sad all day tomorrow for all I care since I’ll be busy packing and I won’t have to see it.”

I opened my eyes and took a breath, smiling at his teasing words. “I wasn’t moping.”

“You absolutely were.”

“Okay, okay,” I conceded, looking him in the eye. “I’m just going to miss you, that’s all.”

“I’ll miss you too, but you need to cheer up or you’re gonna ruin my night. Too many feelings.” He swallowed. One side of his mouth twitched upwards and he squeezed my shoulder again before getting up from the log. He took a step toward the wet sand and dug his toes in. “Besides, we’re about to be pen pals. You’ll need to entertain me with stories about your adventures on the outside.”

“On the outside? It’s not prison, Spence.”

“Might as well be,” he laughed. 

“Well, either way, I wouldn’t get too excited about letters from me. Who would I have adventures with if not you?”

“That’s true. Your life is pretty boring. But that’s what you want, isn’t it? A white-picket-fence, a boring husband, and a couple of messy but well-mannered kids?”

I laughed and rolled my eyes. “My future husband doesn’t need to be boring. Just stable… like my dad.”

“Your dad is boring,” Spencer countered, before sticking his hand out to pacify my move from the log. “Easy, easy, I’m kidding. Your dad’s not boring. He’s predictable. Your parents remind me of a fifties sitcom… you know… ‘Leave it to Beaver’ style.”

“Whatever, I love my ‘Leave it to Beaver’ parents.”

Spencer nodded solemnly and looked out at the lawn behind him. “I love your parents, too. I don’t know what I would have done these last few years without Carol and Tom. And you.”

I met his eyes then, seeing more emotion swimming in them than I expected. I swallowed past the lump that had formed in my throat, unsure of what to say. If I said anything too deep, he would just brush it off. Too many feelings.

“So, I guess that makes you the adopted son of the Cleavers. If they’d had one, that is.” I said, knowing how lame I sounded.

He cocked his head and narrowed his eyes a bit. “Adopted son, huh? Nah. I’ll stick to being the kid from down the street. No relation.”

I blinked, once again at a loss for words. I watched him as he stared out into the darkness. The light from the fire behind me was just close enough that I could see him but not so close that I could feel its warmth. The shadows of the partygoers danced across his bare chest and broad shoulders. When my gaze met his face, I found him looking at me. Why did he suddenly look so different? 

Spencer cleared his throat, looking uncomfortable. “Speaking of your dad, I can’t believe you’ll be working for him soon.”

“I know.” I was grateful for the break in the tension. “Only a few more weeks. I wish this summer could have lasted forever. I already miss the beach trips and parties.”

“Same.”

“Soon, you’ll be a slave to the military, and I’ll be a slave to the law firm.” I winked at him, knowing the two situations were worlds apart.

Spencer wrinkled his nose. “Yeah, I know you’re not super stoked about that.”

“His expectations are just way too high. Just because I take this job in his office doesn’t mean I’m going to suddenly fall in love with the legal field and follow in his footsteps.”

“It probably makes him nervous that you don’t know what you wanna do yet,” Spencer offered, gesturing with his cup. “Like, maybe if you had another plan, he’d lay off.”

His words stung a little. Mostly because they were true. I didn’t have a plan. I knew I didn’t want to be a lawyer, but that was pretty much all I knew. I got good grades in high school because I knew I wanted to do something worthwhile. I was just taking my time deciding what that something was. I had always expected that I would develop a passion for something and then follow my dreams. Nothing had given me that feeling yet.

“You’re right.” I allowed. “I’ll figure something out. When I have a better plan, I can at least have the receptionist job on my resume. I want something stable, something I can rely on. I can picture my life as far as the family and the house and all of that, but my actual career plans are a total mystery right now.”

Spencer nodded. “You’ll be fine, E. Just do whatever makes you happy.”

I paused. “This feels so...”

“Heavy.” 

“Yeah.”

“Listen,” he said, stretching one long arm across his chest before switching to the other, “I hope you find your white-picket-fence and stuff. I’m glad you know what you want in that area at least. The job stuff will come, and I’m sure having the office job with your dad will help you figure it out. I’m not joining the Marines just to get out after my first enlistment, so I want to know when I come back to visit, you’ll be happy and living life on your terms.”

I smiled. “Thank you, Spence. I’ll try.”

“You might not want to thank me yet. The last thing I wanna say is… I’m pretty over this thing you’ve got going on with Tim.”

“Excuse me?” I shook my head, unsure if I’d heard him right. We’d been dating for over a year. Why was he speaking up about it now?

Spencer came over to where I sat on the log and crouched down in front of me, hands on my bare knees. My skin lit up when he touched me and I met his eyes, not sure where this was going or how I felt about it.

“Ellie, he wants what you want on paper, but he’s not good enough for you. In fact, I think he’s kind of a tool.”

“I-I don’t know what to say.”

“You don’t have to say anything. Just think about it. Where is he right now? This happens everywhere we go. I don’t know what he’s up to, but I think if your boyfriend was really that into you, he’d be with you right now.”

“What makes you so sure?” My voice caught in my throat as I stared into his bright blue eyes.

“Because that’s where I’d be if it were me.”

The intensity of his stare messed with my already jumbled brain. What was he saying? Before I could form a response, two cheerleaders Spencer had been talking with earlier skipped through the sand in our direction, calling his name. I leaned away from him and felt a fake smile reflexively spread across my face as they glanced between us. My stomach turned slightly as I watched him go from a laser focus on me to flirting with the girls.

“Hello, ladies. Did you miss me?” He rose from his position in front of me and headed their way.

The duo giggled and held out their hands for him. I rolled my eyes. He playfully swatted the shorter one on the butt as she danced toward the fire. He followed them back over to the crowd, quickly blending in with the rest of the shirtless guys and bikini-clad girls.

I gazed out toward the dark water again, trying to gather myself. Why would he wait so long to speak up about Tim? And what was that part about how he would act if it were him? Did he mean for that to sound so… inviting?

“Hey…” Spencer said, having jogged back over to my log and crouching down at the end of it.

I threw a smile on my face to hide the turmoil I felt. “Yes?”

“Stop being a baby and have fun. You know I always come back to you.”

With a wink, he rose from the sand and went back to the party. I stared at the space where his face had just been. Was he talking about leaving with the girls just now, or the three months he’d be in boot camp? Maybe he was referring to what he said about coming home to visit over the course of his career. Whatever he meant, my smile turned genuine that time. Maybe I should just go ask him what he meant. Feeling bold, I rose from the log to go find him. It was now or never, right?

“Well, you two sure looked cozy…”

I rolled my eyes and sunk back onto the log. Apparently, I’d get to hear a lecture on Freud instead. “Hi, Tim.”

❤️ Friends to Lovers

❤️ Military Hero

❤️ Small-Town Romance

❤️ Coming of Age

❤️ Small-Town Vibes

San Diego Series:

📚 Forever with You - Vince & Sara

📚 Back to You - Spencer & Ellie

📚 Away from You - Matt & Olivia

📚 Christmas with You - Cooper & Angie

📚 Believing in You - Jake & Ivy

📚 Memories of You - Brooks & Cat

📚 Home with You - Owen & Rachel

📚 Adored by You - Noah & Paige

Related Standalone:

📚 Trusting in You - Eric & Lucy

Note: Chronologically, this one fits in between books 5 & 6 of the Kailua Marines series. These worlds all collide, so if you’d like to read them in chronological order, that’s how it goes! :)

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Back to You

"This was a great friends-to-lovers romance!! Ellie and Spencer fit together well, and I liked how naturally their longtime friendship turned to love. Back to You had lots of angst and drama, but also plenty of swoony kisses, funny moments, and sweet times. 😍"

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Childhood Best Friends

"Childhood Friends to Lovers 5/5 stars. This is one of my favorite troupes and I was blown away with how beautifully Jess Mastorakos wrote Ellie and Spence. It hurt my heart when Spence thought he wasn't good enough and thought he was doing what was best by protecting Ellie. I read this book in one sitting. It was just so perfect and I just devoured it."

⭐⭐⭐⭐⭐ Best Books Ever

"This review is longgggg overdue. In short Jess is an incredible author with such a gift for writing! I happen to be looking for a clean romance book and stumbled upon her books last year. I have devoured them up since then. They truly are addicting. And as a MILSO myself I can truly relate to all of these series in one way or another. Thanks again Jess. I hope you never stop writing military romance books - you truly know how to capture your audience 🙌🏼"